I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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