someone get that fucking seahorse.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
