I could make wine with my vomit
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
