soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
