THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
