Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
