Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
