I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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