So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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