this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
