Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
