If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
