Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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