just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
