Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
