Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
