Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
