I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
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Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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