Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
