Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
