dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
