i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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