nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
