happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
