dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny