my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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