Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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