Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
