margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i was born a porn star she said
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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