Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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