Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
