i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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