We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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