Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
