Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
