oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize