just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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