She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
