It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
