@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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