i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
