ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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