I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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