I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
