Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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