It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
