Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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