did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
