The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
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We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
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There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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