I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
