is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
