the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
