He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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