you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
