I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
