Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
