Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
