And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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