well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
