Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
