Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
