i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
