Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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