Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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