How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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