saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
