we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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