she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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