i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
